If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
