Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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