Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
