to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
