Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
