I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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