just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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