I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
