If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
