i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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