youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
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