Where did you get a picture of my penis
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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