i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
