Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
