and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
