well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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