So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
