I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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