your room smells of hookers.
And success
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
