I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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