I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
not ubering you a puppy
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
