a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You have to summon your inner elephant
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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