Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
