the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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