It's like God shit irony all over that family
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We left the knife in your bed.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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