I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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