So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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