i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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