Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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