He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
