I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
this just has baby written all over it
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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