Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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