How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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