i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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