: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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