a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
