How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
