Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
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