You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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