I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
