Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
