He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
