Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Boobs speak an international language.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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