i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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