We named our party play list daddy issues
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
