im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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