yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
