It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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