Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
