omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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