I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
