no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
