The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
