who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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